Thursday, September 20, 2012

PERKS PART TWO

Dear Friend,

Stephen Chbosky's biggest reason for writing PERKS is because he wanted to explore why good people constantly let bad things happen to them. I think I'm justified in calling myself a good person, and if my track record with my family, roommates, sex, and "hip hop artists" I would say I'm also justified in saying I know how it feels to let bad things happen to me.

I would say I'm becoming a lot better at not doing this and also being better at sticking up for myself but, I read this book my first year of college which was probably the highlight of the bad things being let to happen.

In my first year of college: Basically everyone reading this will remember alls well that ends well or at least know what happened. For those that don't quick summary

Scott goes to movie with friend
Scott likes movie
Scotts life is threatened.

Basically it was thanks to someone not being able to hold there cool and get really mad at a tiny detail.
(I really don't want to talk about this because how pissed off it gets me but there is a point that I want to get to, bear with me, or fox with me, or jaguar with me)

So basically this fight happens over facebook, It's really dirty, and hurtful and scary. Mostly because I knew his life, his past, what he was capable of. So if it was anyone else, I would say ok, troubled kid making veiled threats. But with him I wasn't so sure.

(oh heres the part I want to get to!)

So this was pre cancellation (the last rehearsal before the show would be canceled)  I was nervous beyond belief. It would be my first time to see him. Worse yet, the very first scene we were to do is where I greet him at the door. I knew that i would have to come face to face and I was pissing myself. But just as I got onstage I simply said "fuck it!" and I did the show exactly as rehearsed and I didn't back down. Before this point in my life I would say that backing away from things was something I was generally good at.

I know that the people reading this will be mostly be college friends, so let me give you an idea of what pre college Scott was like.

Oh hi, you disagree with me? ok *runs away*
Oh I have this opinion and you disagree with me? *lies says agrees 100 percent*

Confrontation was something to be avoided at all costs. Sticking up for myself? Forget about it.

So what does this have to do with PERKS? Everything. If there is one thing the book taught me it was this:

You are not wrong, Your feelings are not wrong. You are good and You can stand up for yourself because as a whole, Scott you are pretty fantastic.

If you expect me to back down from a fight, If you expect me to just blatantly agree with you, If you expect me to not stand up and fight for what I believe in then I'm sorry to break who you thought I was because: Even if every single person in the room chooses not to stick up for me, I will constantly stick up for myself.

Because I deserve happiness and I deserve Good.

Thank you Stephen.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Perks PART I

Dear Friends,

I don't know who I'm writing this to, if it's me or the people who had taken turns with my book or just any friends that might stumble along. I think I'm just throwing thoughts on paper (sorry I mean internet) because I just really feel like I need to.

When I was a freshman in college I met a wonderful girl named Jenna.

Let me back this up a bit. Obviously I am talking about perks, and the way I found perks was so perksish it is kinda crazy to think about it.

Jenna invited me to a small party with her and a couple of friends. It was honestly probably my first "college" experience. There was alcohol and Hookah and music and people and it was just a really good time. Jenna had previously talked to me about a book that she really loved and wanted me to read. She basically gave me a summary of the first few chapters and what the book meant to her. It sounded so special, I expected to be let down, It was as if she described red velvet cake and I expected rice pudding. (not a rice pudding fan) She told me how much I would relate to the characters and how much feelings would pass through me as I read it (haha read it) I told her I was really excited and as everyone started to sit around the table I would casually pull out the book she gave me and start reading.

This is near the time she explained to me the most important detail of all. Writing in the book. and not necessarily writing in the book but doing whatever the hell you want to do to it. You could underline, highlight, make comments, anything you wanted. For me this is the true power of the book. The book is so easily relatable that anyone can write something down (if they just try) So while the story is as perfect as it is relatable, the best part is reading it along with your friends, and discovering Charlie's problems, while you discover that your friends are going through, or have gone through the same things.

So I'm sitting at a small table and the hookah is being passed around and at this time I had never smoked anything so I declined each time it passed to me but, they offered everytime I said no, which made me feel important. Even though I didn't want any they kept asking me just to be nice and that always made me feel special in a way. After everyone went home besides me and Jenna we stayed and played a fighting game and I kicked there asses because they were drunk. It was so much fun. That night was probably one of my top ten favorite college experiences.

I would soon stop talking to both these two as I would alot of people I knew all for different reasons. It sucks meeting someone who is so important at the time and then they leave the impact they were meant to and then they leave your life. But as the book says

Times change,
and people leave,
and life doesn't stop
for anybody.

This is going to be a really long blog in a lot of different parts but I have to go to bed because I work in 6 hours. So expect part two tomorrow.


Monday, August 27, 2012

Anticipation.

I see you shiver...with...antici....................PATION!

Anticipation is a really strange feeling. Well maybe feeling is the wrong word. Anticipation is a really strange process. I can remember when last december I first saw the hunger games trailer for the very first time. I thought the release date seemed years away. I watched that trailer more than twice a day, twice an hour, taking in every single color, character, line. I couldn't wait for the film.

Fast forward to skipping class getting in line at 7 a.m. just to get a ticket to the price america premiere. I remember finding my seat that night, sitting to a great group of people, listening to people say spoilers out loud, eating candy from a hat

The point is, waiting for each of those things killed me. The wait is what sucks, when you want to see, hear, feel, taste, smell something. It sucks to wait for it.

I don't want to go to far from the point but I think it has something to do with being spoiled, also not too far from the point but seeing it for the first time, I have a really blind eye against critiques, when I want to see something, when I finally see it, Everything is perfect. (except for Harry potter 3. gag.)

So now, I sit, naked in a bathtub, on a macbook pro watching it. I can make the film any size I want (that fits the screen) have the volume up or down, I can fast forward to any part I want, And if I want to pause it to wash my hair, shave my back, or examine my man equipment I can do that.

It's all meh.  What does it matter? I just feel very spoiled. Why does it feel like such a hell to wait for something and when you get it, it feels amazing, when it's right at your fingertips you want something more? I think I should learn to be a bit more grateful of those things I have so easily at my will.

Sometimes I don't know why I write the blogs I do.

It's all for the best.

Before I end I should note, That many of you might be thinking Well Scott  Waiting is half the fun, No no it fucking isn't. I think half the fun is that while you wait, inside of your head, everything is perfect, because it's how you want it.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

I think I'm ready to (C)log about it.

You guys should be really, really, proud of me. This week I did something WAY out of my comfort zone. I listened to GREASE the musical. Don't get me wrong I love a good high school hop and I don't know how I could of made it through high school without an angel of my own but, all joking aside: This musical haunts me.

Sit down boys and girls and let G'pa Scott tell you a sad, sad tale. I was once in arguably the most famous musical from the 70's. It was the post summer of my SOPHMORE year. I had only been in two COUNT THEM 1-2 shows in my entire high school career before this show. I had already known at this time that theater would be one of the most important things in my life though and so when I found out me and my family were moving to Ivins UT I remembered something about a spectacular amphitheater called TUACAHN. When we went down to visit the house my parents drove me by said theatre. I remember my first time seeing it like it was an hour ago. It was a beautiful array of buildings surrounded by the most beautiful canyon rock God had ever created.

Imagine the massive amounts of shit that were in my pants when I found out not only was it a theater but it was also an Arts school. We walked around saw a gift shop saw the massive stage in all it's glory and then we found what would become one of the most influential woman in my entire High School life. Jan Shelton (as she was known at the time) carried herself like a perfect business woman should. She walked like she owned the place, (which to anyone with half a brain would know that she totally did. She did more for that place than I care to write about....I just don't have the time)  She was completely kind and helpful to the three newbs walking around (me and my parents) and then after three minutes of conversation, she led on that she was the theater teacher at the school and she was also in charge of TSTI (Tuacahn Summer Theater Institute) and would you like very much to be in a show young man.

1 The amount of shit that was in my pants previous to this conversation was measley in comparison to the meadow muffins I was now planting.

2 YES I WOULD!

and finally Number 3: What show was it?

Then her mouth moved in complete and utter slow motion.

G.....r..........e.........a.......s........e

I thought oh wow I think that's a good one.

My mom's face on the other hand was the same as if she had just won a baby sized elephant.

GREASE?! OH MY GOODNESS! Scott you gotta do it. You just gotta! MAKE YOUR MOMMA PROUD.

"Oh, Wonderful" says my dad. When do rehearsals start?

and now here is where it gets a bit foggy in my brain. I can't remember if the first rehearsel was earlier that day OR if she had accidentally told me the wrong date.

I think what had happened was she gave me a paper that hadn't had the write date on it, from the previous year. It also had a different time.

So my first rehearsal was everyone else's second rehearsal and also I was three hours late. (Not my choice, I just was informed of the wrong time.)

Now before I go any further I need you to understand (to the best of my knowledge) how this entire process worked. When boys and girls auditioned for TSTI they were doing it in places like LA, SLC and other big names that are identifiable by small acronyms. They had EVERYTHING professional. Professional COSTUME DESIGNER,  Professional SET DESIGNERS, professional BAND Professional DIRECTOR and the scary part for me Professional CHOREOGRAPHER. 

Sense I was late, everyone the chorus part was already over. Now it was time for a getting to know you exercise. That part of the story isn't entirely important but what is important is the people I would be doing shows with. White people, Black people, short people, tall people, men, women and A GAY

Not only was Cody Ham gay but, he was entirely comfortable and happy with it. I couldn't believe it, This is six years prior to my own coming out so Cody Ham was a scary scary boy who was not to be dealt with lightly. What if he knew by the look of me? Could he tell by my smell, my look, the way I talked...Could Cody Ham truly and honestly tell that I was deep inside a fabulous queer to scared to come out?

(The short answer is Yes. The long answer is: Yes, and so could everyone else, it wasn't really something I was good at hiding, but I knew I would deny it tell the day I died.)

After this hour long activity we got to the next part of rehearsel: Dancing. Now everyone had already got in six hours worth of dancing the day before so in the words of fat 15 year old I was totally screwed.

Here is where I need to introduce to you, The most amazing, brilliant, flexible, quick paced Choreographer I have ever met.

Mic Thompson is a man who has done very VERY well for himself. Dancing with the likes of Michael Jackson, The tonight show, The OSCARS, ENCHANTED, The list honestly goes on and on and on. It can be seen here http://www.micsmatch.com

Basically I would come to hate him with every inch of my fat fat fat heart. Let me tell you, I never truly understood how fat I was until Mic made me Jiggle all over the dance floor. And Jiggle I did.

(Before I finish this last bit of the blog I need to order some comfort food, as this this is where it gets, scary.)

I honestly don't know if I didn't push myself hard enough, or if I just wasn't qualified. But in the course of the show I would be kicked out of not 1 not 2 not 3 but 4 songs. Banished to perform the hand jive, No longer destined to sing about Summer nights, and High school hop? More like high-school-sit-your-fat-ass-down.  And, for those of you counting the 4th and final number banished was I: The hand Jive. THE HAND JIVE. I couldn't be in the HAND JIVE?! ....come to think of it I was kicked out of greased lightning as well, so 5 dances.

5 dances.

5 dances.

5 dances.

I was broken, I was damaged, I was hurt, Self confidence? Forget about it. After the 2nd song I just sort  of expected it with the others.

Thing is, I had no previous dance training at all. I had only been in 2 small shows. Charlie Brown and Midsummers. That was it.

But then, My own personal angel came to me in the form of Melissa Erickson, besides being an amazing friend and a hilarious stage manager she was a BRILLIANT spirit lifter. She pulled me aside and told me some sob story about how her sister wanted something but couldn't have it until she tried really hard for it. It wasn't the story but the thought that she cared enough to try and lift my spirits that really got me going. I was still the awkward fat kid but now I would be the awkward CONFIDENT fat kid.

Now I CONFIDENTLY knew that going into dance rehearsel I would be thrown out. I confidently took my spot on the floor to watch every. single. kid. get up to hand jive, or high school hop.

This was the lowest point for me theatre wise. It truly was a horrible experience. I wanted it to end every single day I went.

I would not change one damn thing about it.

This show gave me something I didn't have theatrically: Balls.

When my dad wants something to get done and I don't want to do it he alaways says: Grow some balls and be a man.

Well thanks to Grease I hit my theatre puberty and grew a hefty pair of low hangers.

To Jan: I obviously can not write enough about how much you have helped me become who I am. Thank you.

To Cody: Thank you for being your true self and accepting who you are and giving closeted 16 year old like me someone to look up.

To Melissa: You hilarious girl. Thank you for that speech. I can not tell you how much I needed at that time.

Lastly and most importantly: Mic: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for not holding my hand. Thank you for kicking my fat ass. Thank you for shaping me into the dancer (albeit not the best one) I am today. Without you, I would be nowhere near the person I am today. You made me ride grease hard and fast and, there is nothing I will ever be able to do, to show you how truly grateful I am for the hell that was those three months. I wish and pray that I can someday become 1/4 of the performer you are because then, I will be truly successful. (oh and I totally hope you forgive me for all the mean words I called you in my head back then, I apologize)

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Scott and Lisha's guide to DISNEYLAND

1 Always start in Disneyland on your first day there. Even if you enter only for a mo' then go to C-Adventure that is totally fine but, if it is your first day you must start in Disneyland and, not the monorail entrance either you silly nillys.

2 No swearing. No drinking. You go to Disneyland to be a kid. Be a kid.

3 Be patient. The lines can be the most fun part of the whole day!

4 Pick a night to see the firework show

5 Dole whips and Churros Kids make it happen.

6  When you are in a group it is totally fine to split off and do things in smaller groups.

7 Pin Trading.

8 Not to be rude but Disneyland was meant for an equal number of people. Don't make your friends be the awkward third wheel, or seventh, or fifth.

9 Do not ride Star Tours and Space Mountain in succession. Unless you want a headache from Hades.

10 I don't care what you do: Tower of Terror happens.

 I don't care if:

You are scared

Your mom tells you not to

Do it.

11 If you go to Disneyland and the whole trip you never paid a visit to Mickey Mouse. You did it wrong.

12 If you know how things work, and you know the secrets behind the magic Don't spoil it ya fatty!

13 If you are low on cash make sure you save enough to get one family photo on one of the Rides.

14  Disneyland is about wearing Shoes not Stilettos this isn't devil wears prada . Keep your hidden bosoms hidden. Walt likes mommas not tatas

15 Disneyland is not just about the rides. It's about the smells, tastes, feelings, emptying your wallet. Enjoy all these things. And give liberally.

16 If you see someone wearing a special occasion pin (birthday, first timer) Don't ignore them. Remember  to celebrate with them!

17 Don't take your watches inside. Don't constantly check your phone for the time. In Disneyland time has stopped. Enjoy the moment and stop fretting about your electronics.

18 Don't go shopping on Main Street when the park is closing. Be considerate

19 Make traditions and keep to them. Pass them down to young ones so every time they can have there very own special part of Disneyland to visit everytime they go.

20 It is very important to overcome your fear of certain rides. Once you ride it you will be fine.


Lisha's Soul Disneyland #1 personal most important disney or die rule:

I have to at least get a picture with my favorite character, Normally it's Cinderella because she is my very favorite princess.

Scott's Soul Disneyland #1 personal most important disney or die rule:

If I had a good time I ride small world very last. Sometimes people are rushed to leave or I just didn't have a good experience so I don't seal it off with Small World but if I did I end with that ride each and every good time.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

17-19

17: Musical with the Best music: This question is way too difficult. I don't know how music works technically. I honestly can't tell you the difference between a riff or a hook. I have no idea. So my answer would be based solely on what I like at the time. Which would be:

Sum 41: Fat Lip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMX2lPum_pg&ob=av2e

The nineties in this music video disgusts me. I love it soooo much. I rarely ever get in the mood for gross grungy bands but I am in love with Sum 41 right now. On a side note I love that every time I google the lead singers name it just brings up stuff about Avril. Bahahahha.

Oh wait that's not a musical.....oh well.

18 Best lyrics

The lyrics of this musical are the only thing that save it from being a savage wreck from hell. It's one of my favorites but, confusing as fuuuuuhhhhh!

Chess- Pity the Child

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bY__xtl7yI

I wish I could sing this song.

19 From a musical which disappointed you.

I didn't need to think more than five seconds for this one.

Newsies: Carrying the banner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-hMe3iID1k

Everything about this musical infuriates me. I hate it. I want to see it so bad just to see if the live version makes any difference but the lyrics alone just make me want to rip out a stone of  a mountain and swing it towards my eye 30 times.  NOT TO MENTION THEY TOOK OUT PATRICKS MOTHER. UGHHHHH.

Ok we are going to glance at the movie lyrics versus the musical version

Patricks mother:  Patrick darling sense you left me i am undone. Mother loves you. God save my son.

That's the only line this woman ever has and it's probably the best part of the entire movie for me. I love her emotion and the notes and everything. Then we look at the lyrics by her replacement. Which I can't even understand on the cd what he is saying so I may have taken a few liberties but here it is:

Patricks replacement: Curdals, coffee, concrete doormats, sprinkled with moths. papers, biscuits.

What?! First off ....you know what I don't even care enough to keep complaining about this horrible train wreck of a show.  Oh and I'm sorry if you are still confused but I hate this show on broadway. Sorry if that is confusing.

To end this rant Let me just list all the tony awards I think this show will win for itself

Monday, May 21, 2012

14-

14. From the musical you haven’t listened to (or seen) in a while. Jesus Christ Superstar: The Last Supper

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjOvk7RFYTU

Compared to how often I use to listen to this show, I haven't really listened to it that much as of late. I have about 3 songs from it I listen to all the time but, really diving into it hasn't happened for a while.

I have a list of shows that I really really want to be apart of before I die. This is one of them, purely based on this song alone. I could kill to be an apostle and sing this song. It will happen before I die. The lyrics are so simple yet you can ponder them for an entire sunday. I really love it.

15. L5Y: The Next Ten Minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bWGjUKyffM

None of you will ever understand the importance of this song in my life.

...actually I'm sure there is at least one person who understands.

16 From your least favorite musical, with your favorite composer.  

13: Hey Kendra 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2-sWkc1fJw&feature=fvst

Seriously.