mono i found

And it's there in that moment. I'm frozen in time and I'm lost. I know where I am but it's already taken over. The blurry vision comes in and the throat is already collapsing into itself. My mind wanders with purpose and I know where it's going and I can't change it. I can try to delude it or lie to it or take over but my time is over and the chance is gone and I tell myself don't, don't don't and that just fuels it more and I can say don't a million times but my mind doesn't care and my integrity can beg for help and my purpose can beg for justice but it's already decided and that is when I know I am no longer mine. I can see my feet and I can see my arms but the line of communication. Then It walks me over it has me open the drawer and I see them. I've seen them so many times and it is nothing new. There in my hand and I take those scissors down on the walk of shame. You know sometimes a bathroom can be the smallest room in the house but when you get in there twice making sure the door is locked and you see yourself in a dirty unwashed mirror holding scissors alone in yourself, the bathroom can seem like the bigger than the fucking taj mahal. and as soon as that blade touches your shoulder that is the moment when I have never felt more alone.